Dear FnV-ians.. Today will be our graduation day. Its weird now that im typing this post, my mind is just went blank. The stuffs that i want to talk about are all gone now. so forgive me for making this crappy post.
4 years (or more for some) spending with each and every one of you is such a fortunate thing that happened to me. I know that i might not be the right friend for you all. I have too many imperfections to be your friend but i thank you all for accepting (even if its a half-heartedly) me to your everyday school life. To be honest, there are times when i feel this insecurities where i just don't belong on the same level as you all. There are times when i feel left out. There are times when i feel that i'm invisible in the group. There are times that i actually want to get out from this group and back to my pathetic lonely life. But somehow, i just can't and i don't know why. Its like theres this magnet that keeps on attracting me to not do something that i'll regret in the future. But what i'm afraid right now is the future. and thus, i would like to take this opportunity to say a few things which might be the last.
To Afifah, there's nothing much that i can say right now. But you are the reason why im still here. Your words of advice have taught me alot. and i thank you for that.
To Qayah, you are a very good friend. A good listener especially. To not spend a lot of time with you in 2009 is a bummer. But i have to understand that you have other friends and that you want to spend with them.
To Fyqa, We encounter quite a lot these past two years. the ups and downs.. thank you for always being there for me whenever i need help.
To Ekin, I've shared some things with you especially with fifah around. But when she's not around, i just feel that you are too far to be reached. i don't know what you're thinking about. And i just want to know more about you but somehow its just a difficult path.
To Zaty, Rather than saying thank you, i would like to ask for forgiveness instead. I think i've done a lot that might hurt you or just simply make you dislike me. My harsh words, my harsh attitude.. I think i went too far without realising it. And so i apologise. But thank you for being a good friend.
To Pong, I'm sorry if my teasing/jokes were a bit harsh. In my mind you are someone who i can easily bully due to your bimboness. So who knows that it might be hurtful. But you are someone who i always expecting everyday in school last year. you and your bimboness always cheer me up esp in GP class and for that i thank you.
To Dal, I'm glad that we were closer last year. I get to know you much better and i thank you for the willingness to share your personal stories to me. It really means a lot to me. I'm sorry that i couldn't be there for you whenever or wherever although i wish i could do so.
To Amoy, I know too little about you.
To Zatul, I know for quite a while but its sad that i know too little about you. Your case is the same like Ekin. I don't know what you're thinking and you are just too far to be reached.
To Sam, I'm sorry for taking advantage of you last year. You and your videos. I just can't find a way to stop my temptation from asking the videos from you. Sorry sebab banyak menyusahkan. Ohh kau cute..!! haha. Although you are the quietest among us, but i'm glad that we could be closer last year. We might not be sharing our stories tgether, but knowing you the way you are right now is satisfying enough for me.
To Faj, You are a good friend. Knowing you and seeing you ever since primary school is quite an amazing journey for me. I'm sorry however that i dont know what to say here.
To Sad, I need to know more about you.
There you go.. This is only a summary though. it would be a super duper long post if i were to write a long message to all of you. I have a favour to ask.. Whatever happens in the future.., if i were to be gone, please remember me. just remember my name and it'll be good enough. With all the insecurities that i have, as much as i wanted to hate you guys, i refused to do so cause in 20 or 30 years time, i don't want to remember that i hate you people. Crappy much..? heehhh.
To the FnV brunei, Its our graduation today. Lets put all the negative things aside for now and simply enjoy the day. Although you people might read this after the graduation. For once, i want to spend the time with you guys like we are a family - not just as a group.
Last but not least.., CONGRATULATIONS..!! We have come this far and now its time to celebrate it. Hope you all have a blast later on.
With love,
Nudge :)
