Tuesday, September 4, 2012

When life turns slightly sour.

Salam.

So today, someone close to me shared her disappointment. The fact that she didnt get into any available uni to pursue the next step of her education broke her heart. It felt good to lift up her spirits through talking to her. And i was sad, she was one of the person I jam with, staying up all night, talking about useless hilarious stuff, bejalan, cakap pasal fesyen. I was soooo looking forward to inviting her to my housewarming, in fact, i have already invited her gazillion times, telling her my room is always open for her. Sedih eh. sigh.

Anyway, that's not the point i'm trying to make.

The point is, I was reading through tumblr and saw her post. How she was feeling. She didn't say what happened to her. But she explained what she was feeling, the frustration and discontentment that she was experiencing while all these happened.

Reading all that, it made me realise something, typing something that comes from your heart really makes a difference. I really do find typing all these acts like a healing potion. Like, whenever you're sad, typing all these away with mellow music as background helps a lot.

Both of us are different. But somehow we clicked. She filled in what I lack, and vice versa. Always giving a piece of advice (or pieces) that are really helpful. That we should pursue our ambition berabis rabis, she's one of the hardworking ones, yang never make excuses, always striving to be the best, and never giving up.

I need such will, strength. And determination. To carry on.

Please ya rabb, grant her happiness, blessing and success, and to everyone i love as well. Amin amin amin.

x

Friday, August 31, 2012

Peterpan syndromme.

Salam.

Tomorrow marks the first of September. Which means, i have 19 more days here in Brunei. Part of me is excited to start decorating my new house in Nottingham, meeting new people, and embarking on the third year journey.

Another part of me is scared. Third year means shit just got a little bit too real now. It's going to be my dissertation year. I will not have any holidays in December, and apparently my family plus cuzzies etc etc are planning to go to Dubai. Guhhreat. Just great. And in summer, i will only have two weeks worth of holidays. Really med school, really? I just kept thinking, should i even go back for that short period of time.

I honestly do not know.

Last night i was feeling weird. Like, as if i have lost something. I kept searching for that something, and obviously to no avail, because i do not know what i was searching for. I thought maybe i was craving for something, but i really did not feel like eating, at all.

Anyways, last week, i was at my cousin's open house, and epicly, my cousin kana risik. Which means she's going to be engaged soon. It felt really weird. Considering she's one of my cousin yang dangan bemain masa damit. And now that she had got a proper job and soon to be engaged, is just weird. Because it means she's all grown up.

Which means i'm all grown up.

Sometimes i feel like Peterpan. I never want to grow up.

But growing up is inevitable, so i should welcome it, with open arms. I guess........

"We all want to grow up. We're desperate to get there. Grab all the opportunities we can to live. We're so busy trying to get out of that mess, we don't think about the fact that it's going to be cold out there. Really freaking cold. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time we stand on our own two feet, we're standing there alone" - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A hint of vanilla.

Salam Ramadhan the 11th :)

Today, I was showing my dad the souvenirs i bought from Turkey. While helping my mom put them in the display almari, i opened the bottom drawer, and there I found my old book, "Thanks for the memory". I don't remember if I've ever gotten to finish it. I think I did. It's basically about a guy who was afraid to donate blood cos he was sooo afraid of needle, and then, one day, his blood saved a person, and from there the story went.

I've always wanted to donate blood. But last time I remembered, I was too young to do so. And now that i am old enough, I can't because I just found out that i'm anemic. So untuk org yang masih mampu untuk menderma darah, i urge you to donate blood, not only because it will help someone, at the same time, you can get your blood checked for any abnormalities as well! So DOUBLE WIN! :D

Back to the old book i found. I saw it, and it brought back nostalgic memories. Sama macam the title. Terima kasih di atas memori ini. Ironic. Like iron man ironing. I kept trying to find what memory was in store for me while i was reading it back then. But i could not find any. Must have been something insignificant, or maybe something too significant and hurt too much that I forced myself to not remember it. At all.

Ho wells. Who cares about the past.... kan....? They say move on.. but where do i go? Eyah lagu Katy Perry. Oh well, since i can't even remember it, im sure it's something insignificant.

Moving on....

Old books, i love your smell. I was googling what makes old books smells sooooooo soo good! (in my opinion lah they smell good!) Rupanya, it's because, old books release volatile stuff used in the production of the books, and ada a little hint of vanilla thats why it smells nice.

VIDEO HERE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInTfrDnA&feature=player_embedded

Hmm.. somehow this post does not say what i really want to say. I guess sometimes whatever you structured in your head can't be penned down/typed down. Creatively. Or maybe aku kali saja yang kurang kreatif. Kesedihan yang teramat kalau itu macam.

And i stumbled across this article from Thought catalog and i quote:

"Change is gradual. Change doesn’t happen with a new pair of jeans or moving to a different city. It comes from within. Our generation has no real markers for where we should be. We get there when we get there. The answers are less obvious and clear. All you can really hope for is that you survive with your self-respect intact. In the meantime, just enjoy the ride.

And if you feel nauseous at any time, feel free to throw up."

I guess it is really okay to be paning and muntah if things go wrong. Hahaha.



Lots and lots of love,
Piping! Mwahhhhs!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Mortality.

Assalamualaikum.

I have safely landed in Brunei tuesday of this week, alhamdulillah. Enjoying Ramadhan mubarak, amazing food, and the company of family and soon, friends.

While I was on the plane on the way back to Brunei, as always, there was again, a turbulence. Usually I was afraid. But this time, i was extra afraid. I kept thinking about the recent helicopter crash in Labi. How a number of soldiers passed away in the holy month of Ramadhan. I kept thinking, will this plane crash too? Will i die too? And if I die, am I ready?

The words death kept popping into the head. The plane shook. Up, down, it went.

But alhamdulillah, everything was okay and after all that happened, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, it all stopped.

Actually, this post was an inspiration of several post i read earlier. They were actually just some random articles, plus obligatory posts that i usually read, summed up together.

Somehow, today, they were mostly about death.

I went to visit my grandparents' kubur today. I kept thinking, "Mudah2an yaasin yang kami baca ani menulung drg di kubur amin" And then another thought entered my mind. So we read yassin to them, but if we also pass away, who's going to read it to them? So who is going to help them reduce their sufferings or light their grave? And then i thought lucky are those who give charity/sedekah and then people still use the things that they sedekah. Like building a mosque or something. Mcm light will be in their graves. And yet sometimes we hesitate to give charity. While that will actually help us in our grave. Why the hesitation, i really do ask myself sometimes. :(

I was reading this post by proudduck, and how her grandma has just passed away recently. Reading all her emotions typed up in that post teared me up. Then followed up by reading Brunei times article dedicated to the helicopter crash victims. About our mortality. About how death will come for us. The question is, kitani ready kah. Sigh.

May Allah bless all muslim souls, amin. And may we all die di dalam iman, amin ya rabb. And semoga tangan ini akan lebih mudah memberi sedekah. Amin. And semoga Allah menguatkan iman kita yang masih lemah ini. Amin.


Piping.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Heartstring ku.

Salam.

Now that all my written exams are over, well since yesterday pulang sudah tu, it's time for korean dramas!! Currently watching Heartstring by Yong Hwa and Park Shin Hye. And i regret saying aku inda suka si Yong hwa awal-awal.. ahhhh... what korean dramas do to you. they change your perception of someone so easily. And now mcm.... I am so so sooooo in like (hahha awu not love lol) with him. He's so nice, walaupun ia jahat awal-awal that I always feel like slapping him, and the fact ia mcm suka someone wayyyyy older than him. Hmmm, buta wah ya inda nampak the pretty girl that's always bringing him cappucino every single day. BLIND I TELL YOU.

Btw, i like mocha frappucino with whipped cream on top plis, thanks. (HINT NI BTW HAHAHHAHAHAH to any guy ahhh so sad. sad sad laif HAHAHHAHAHHA)

Anyway. And then... at one moment, i was thinking. In the drama how like he's a bad boy but turned into a decent loving guy. But then in real life, does this happen too kah? I've never really heard stories, real stories, from someone i am close with. Macam, so if a bad guy turned good in real life, do they sometimes revert back to their old self? Yang jahat apa? Pasal I saw this one tweet from a singer, that a girl's wish of changing a bad boy into a good one, is merely.... just a wish.

Really?

Entah. I don't know pulang. I guess it depends on individual punya perception.

And then there's this one song, called "I will forget you" by park shin hye in the drama. i was feeling mellow the other day, sekali i made a cover and sent it to my korean friend for prooflisten (HAHAH does this word even exist lol)


I will forget you. Starting today,
I don’t know you. I have never seen you.
We never even walked pass eachother.
I’m okay. I forgot everything. I’m happy with my busy life.
I’ve met a great person too.

Love is always like this. It fades away after some time.
Can’t even remember it, Oh.

# When love goes away, another love comes again. It definitely will.
Even if it hurts now, it will hear a little later.
It will forget. I will too.

It’s not difficult. I will forget everything after today.
I’m just getting used to my changed life. Oh~ No.

Love is always like this. It fades away after some time.
Can’t even remember it. Yes~

# REPEAT

I will erase everything.
I definitely will.

When love goes away, another love comes again. It definitely will.
Even if tears fall now, I will smile a little later.
I will (now) forget you (now). Just like a wound heals…
I will. I will. I will forget you.


Things I wanna pinpoint from that song:

1) Busy life makes you forget someone you love. But then.. when that busy life subsides, when you're all alone in the room and lying down on your bed, isn't the first thing that pops to your mind.... the person? But then i guess kalau ngalih mcm tarus tidur jua kali ah.

2) So they say when one love goes away, another comes. I guess love comes in all form. From family, friends, and Allah especially. But this love, from this one special person, will it be the same. Will it be better. or worse. And mcm, when you're listening to certain songs that you used to listen to, doesnt it remind you of all the memories? And then, do you hear you heart break?

3) That love fades away with time. But you see old couple yang suwit berabis yang mcm madly in love, like your grandparents, your parents, etc, and it makes you think, at times it fades away, but other times, it stays, and it stays strong.

Sorry sebenarnya very useless post ani. Pasal si yonghwa ni! HAHAHHAHA nah menyalahkan artis jua lah.. sendiri punya psl.

Anyway so long. Love you guys. Walaupun aku ind atau siapa sebenarnya yang masih baca posts di sini ani. maybe no one, maybe just random people, but then again, it's okay. Kenchana. Eseh. koreanised. HEHEHHEHEHHEHE.

Doakan kejayaan saya dalam practical OSCE! May Allah make it easy for me. Amin amin amin

xxxxxxx
Pips

Thursday, February 16, 2012

A little peek into my day today.

Salam eberyone. :)

If you don't wanna hear me rambling, jangan tah baca. Kalau you're super bored, or you really like me (HA-HA) then read on :)

I know i haven't posted anything for quite some time... But suddenly ada urge to post something about what happened today.

Basically, i had a free day today BLESS :D Sekali went to the city with my little brother. Was getting ready and suddenly, there was a loud knock! Tekajut berabis lah, and turned out it was a super beautiful bouquet of flowers, it was the most amazing flower bouquet i have ever received, and it made me so happy, alhamdulillah! The perfect colour, amount, and i dont wanna say the name but if you're reading this, a super big thank you to you :)))

Went to the city and ate at Munch Munch.. I don't know why but somehow the burger sana nyaman berabis. And i don't like mayo, tapi mcm.... it was so good. Maybe it was just one of my cravings, endless i tell you! Kesian future laki ku kalau ku mengidam. Makan pelanduk kali. Jangantah macam-macam okay cravings? Tenks.

Heniways, went back rushing pasal I had two house viewing to attend to.

First house viewing:

a HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE house! with two toilets. everything was huge, from bedroom, to living room, kitchen, and even the toilets! Slightly old house, but thiking abt family coming over, it would be good to accommodate a lot of people ie family coming over. The landlady was so baik lah apa ani, katanya ia pernah ke brunei dua kali sudah, and pernah dtg to attend ia punya ex-tenants pnya wedding. and katanya pernah one of the girls homesick skali ia bawakan cakes and they had a little tea-party. Tapi masalahnya, it was expensive and a little over the budget. Well, maybe a LOT over the budget.

The second house:

Slightly less mahal, but still quite mahal lah. Smaller rooms, but was hommier, but the stairs were smaller, so takut gugur and the toilet was after the kitchen. But otherwise, an okay house. Asked the previous tenants abt the house, and they said apart from a little creaking upstairs, it's a fab house.

In between the two house viewings, went to Andrea's house and had maggi YUM a good makan after the house hunting stress! Met one of the new housemate jua, and she was lovely. :)

Anyway, searched for some houses before later at night, went to mengaji night. Before that, emailed the lady that the house was a little too expensive and will deffo move into the house if she wants to lower the price. And suddenly the first house landlady called. And wanted an answer in hour after agreeing to reducing the price but was still mahal.

Pikir punya pikir........... we turned down the house. Lalai-lalai, inda plg mengaji menguruskan sigh. The mengaji event ended early, and then while makan-makan, becerita lah how house hunting ini lah, itu lah, sekali becerita how the landlady was so nice apa.

AND THEN.....

Turned out landlady atu penipu. Basically kami kana tipu lah oleh yg first house atu. Will forever ingat nama "PAGAM" or "SHEGEILAGA" pasal ia use both names. Saja pakai G in case ia ani membaca lah HOHO. Inda plg kali. And then katanya ia religious lah apa lah, will always return deposit. Skali kata seniors (like 3 seniors, dif house) pernah under ya skali they all inda suka! :( And she said she never cuts from deposit pasal house always mcm ada sikit2 rusak lah apa, skali turned out ia cut waaaaaa. And ia slalu lambat usai things jua. And ia badmouth kami punya landlord jua, when we didn't even say anything. And then kamis edih lah, mcm kana tipu hidup2. And ia always usethe same story, suka org bruneilah, dtg kawin atu lah, etc.

Turned out everyone knew abt her stories, apart from us!

But alhamdulillah lah, we turned down the house. Ada hikmah. And now looking for more houses. Hopefully will be able to find a good house, with good price lah, amin :)

And then went back, and an hr after that prolly, some girls datang to visit us and becerita2 lah HEHEHHEHE it was fun lah.

And went to my room, open an envelope, an received a rejection for smtng that i can possibly get for free. So now have to payyyy D: Inda apalah. Again, ada hikmah tu, i know, insyaallah. :)





So conclusion of the day/story:

1) A free day turned out to be too eventful day and now i'm super exhausted.

2) Sometimes, walaupun kitani honest, tapi org lain inda honest. SIGH. The world is indeed a dirty place. Tapi we cannot be one of those dirty people, kalau inda makin tia betambah kamah dunia ani. Hopefully ia dpt berkat lah, smoga org atu berubah. And hopefully kalau ia balum berubah, jangath ada org Brunei yg tertipu lagi under ia.

3) Walaupun with the kes penipuan, and the rejection, but there are a lot of good things to look to. Eg my brother here accompanying me skajap in UK, the flowers from someone yg nice, the girls yang always so supportive with advice apa.

and lastly, i believe everything ada hikmah. I truly do.

So...... Sorry if ada yang rasa this blog pontless. I did warn you in the beginning.

For now, tata, assalamualaikum, and byeeee <3 :)





Love,
Piping.